J. Hartfield:
One of the most useful car accessories ever invented came from a woman. Mary Anderson patented the first windshield wiper in 1903. It worked by reaching out the window of the car and physically moving a swinging shaft which was supporting a rubber blade. Before the advent of the automatic windshield wiper in 1917 (interestingly enough also invented by a woman, Charlotte Bridgewood) there was a manual wiper. The manual wiper worked by swinging a small pendulum behind the center console near the windshield. This, in turn, moved the windshield wipers at the exact rate of your hand pushing and pulling the pendulum to and fro. While having total control of your windshield wipers sounds cool at first, in reality, it really isn't. You see, in order to operate the wipers one must occupy his right hand with the pendulum. This right hand must be actively engaged with the pendulum. Not only is this distracting to the road ahead, but its also tiresome and annoying. This also has a diminishing effect on the total control you have over the vehicle. By occupying the right arm, only the left arm is free to move the steering wheel. Full lateral movement is thus, according to physics, impossible. Not having full control of the car's steering is not only dangerous but foolish. The automatic windshield wiper was clearly an improvement as it unburdened the car's operator the control of a menial mechanical task.
But we shouldn't be shocked to learn, however, that the first automatic windshield wiper was a dismal commercial failure. We as Americans are reactive and scared people when it comes to a threat of our fundamental freedoms (guaranteed by the Constitution). The right to modify the way their vehicles operate is practically an unspoken amendment. To Americans, relinquishing control of the windshield wipers is equivalent to letting the machines take one of our inherit rights. Americans want to be wined and dined and romanced before they spread eagle to some new gismo with promises of enjoyment and practicality.
We slowly adapt to the changing times, however. Twenty-some-odd years later, the automatic wiper returned to the auto. It appeared triumphantly and become the most popular option in most dealerships. Today, laws dictate that the automatic windshield wiper must be present on all new vehicles sold today.
That's why I believe that it's only a matter of time before the option of a true manual transmission is a thing of the past. Manumatics, automatics where you can select your gear without the use of the clutch, will become the norm. They offer 90% of the benefits of manual but without the pain of constantly changing gears. Not to mention they make freeway driving in Southern California - the only place I care about with - bearable. Higher end racing cars will also be switching over to either BMW's style SMG system or Audi's insanely awesome DSG tranny, the latter of which can downshift three gears in less than a second without loss of power to the wheels. Let's face it, the manual transmission is a dinosaur. It has little place in this age of computers and technology.
M. Harrison:
My friendly opponent claims that an automatic offers "90% of the benefits of a manual without the pain of constantly changing gears".
Is changing gears painful? Perhaps - to anemics and hemopheliacs. But the rest of us find that uncomfortable driving experiences are there for a reason.
My dear Tang, driving on a congested freeway is supposed to be miserable. The discomfort intrinsic to bumper-to-bumper traffic is the traffic market sending signals that you need to find an alternate route because the road is beyond capacity. Claiming that an automatic makes snarling traffic slightly less painful is about as relevant as saying welfare makes unemployment slighly less painful. Who cares? You're not supposed to enjoy it.
Indeed, it is the mindset of the automatic driver that has spawned so many of the socialistic regulations we now suffer through in this great land. Another example among many is the regulation of factory and/or mining conditions so that slaving away in a 60-hour work-week becomes slightly more comfortable. People are supposed to be getting out of factories with the same speed with which they should be getting out of traffic jams. They aren't supposed to wallow in either and idly wish some inventor will come along to moderate the misery. I must digress.
Such is the chiaroscuro illuminating the fundamental distinction between automatic drivers and manual drivers.
The latter are pleased with their soft technology that allows uncomfortable driving situations to be, well, a little less uncomfortable for their precious muscles.
The manual driver, by contrast, derives the value of his transmission from what it gives him in optimal driving situations. For the automatic driver, driving is a series of hassles to be smoothed out with the surrender of human control as the fairy godmother of technology strokes his golden locks and persuades him that driving as an act is overrated. For the manual driver, driving is a series of exciting experiences for which his transmission allows unmitigated pleasure and control.
We, the few and proud, will suffer through traffic like men so that we can commence the seamless integration of man and machine in the pursuit of performance driving. For open roads, winding roads, hilly roads, high-speed limit roads, or any other desirable road, the manual is the undisputed sine qua non of pleasurable driving. This point is impregnable.
So the only question that remains is whether a technology should a) rescue your anemic biceps and calves from the pain of shifting in unfavorable conditions or b)maintain an active and pleasurable driving experience under favorable conditions.
You answer for the former. You need to say little more of your resolve. It speaks for itself.
Now, Justin, you have plenty of company as weak-kneed defeatists who will sacrifice comfort over liberty. The French float to the top of my cerebrum as intellectual bretheren who would identify with such arguments that value is derived from making the worst a little bit better.
I, however, identify with the American school of thought. Technology should make the best better. There is nothing wrong with comfort, but comfort should never sacrifice pleasure. Why do you think no one buys those CraftMatic adjustable beds? Isn't alleviating back pain important? The answer is because you can't f*ck on them.
We, as I speak for a dwindling group of Americans, will always prefer liberty over comfort. It's worth noting that a repeal of the Second Amendment retains 90% of the Bill of Rights without the pain of accidental shootings and killings. Fortunately for us, the intellectual forefathers of manual drivers wrote our Constitution. Thank God for that.
Justin, you will find few more in favor of technology than I. Technology has judiciously replaced factory and farm workers in the last century, made worldwide communications instant and available, and generally made our lives more comfortable in innumerable and unquantifable ways.
But above an anti-Luddite, I count myself as a driver. I will not be replaced as a driver any more than I will hire a machine to write my articles or pick up girls for me. There is a point where technology infringes on liberty, and the automatic exemplifies that criterion.
Justin, I respect your viewpoint, and I am glad that you are satisfied as you turn your driving experience into a feminine and cushy delusion. I recognize that it is an alluring alternative that has netted many suckers over the years.
I shall conclude this prolix diatribe by speaking a language you'll surely understand. Vous ne devez que eviter les illusions qui vous arrive du gouvernement ou technologie.
Au revoir, Tang. Go off to your traffic jams. You can find me on the Ortega Highway - that is, if you ever get a manual.
J. Hartfield:
"Weak-minded defeatists," huh?
Did the machine defeat me, or did I defeat the machine? I would argue the latter. You willingness to suffer pain under the pretense of "being a man" is common mistake that affixes many old school
cowboys like yourself. Many mistake going through pain as a means to becoming a more complete person, or in your case 'being a man.' The real man, however, utilizes all of the tools and modern technology available to him to MINIMIZE all the pain he can in order to better focus on the real problems in their life. In my automatic, I can talk on the cellphone, drink a morning beverage, and steer the car. And my right hand is still free to do whatever it pleases.
I love driving my automatic. I love driving, period. I often times find it a let down getting out of my ride to go to my intended destination. Am I missing anything by not being able to choose which
gear I want to be in? Honestly, not really. Let's face it, the computer in the car pretty much shifts exactly as a good manual driver would shift, except its smoother and more efficient. When I need to
downshift, BLAM, two strokes to the left on my manumatic and I'm dipping on the freeway. When I dip in another lane, usually cutting someone off, in an attempt to go faster, only to find out I'm
rapidly gaining speed on the car in front of me, BLAM, two downshifts of engine brake and I don't look like a douche by slamming my brakes in front of the guy I just cut off. When I'm carving up your beloved Ortega Highway in my auto, I can keep that shit in 2 and blast it at 4.5K RPMs the entire way up.
"Comfort should never sacrifice pleasure" huh? I know you don't honestly believe this, Hollywood, because if you did, there would be a bunch of little baby Hollywoods running around with UM t-shirts and ultra-modern hair cuts like yours. Sometimes its practical to sacrifice pleasure for comfort. Wearing a jimmy sucks, but it gives me the comfort in knowing I'm at a reduced risk for a narly disease or pregnancy.
By the way, do you really think Benjamin Franklin sat his fat ass down and took the reigns of his own horses when cruised for pussy in Philadelphia? No, homie, he was chilling in the backseat hollerin' at hood rats. He had more important things to do than whip a horse into going faster. Hell no. That man liked COMFORT & PLEASURE. He was an SMG guy, for shiz.
PS: For someone that bashes the French so much, you sure do speak a lot of it.
