Song of the Moment:
311 - Don’t Tread On Me - There’s Always An Excuse “Shut it down
Get it right
Cause a person can't win if they don't even put up a fight
Get it right
Everyone has got something that keeps them awake in the night
That's a fact
Don't think of the times that you gave up and let out some slack
Take it back
Don't think you're the only one going through it
Take it back”
Love that song. 311 is one of those bands that get better as they age. Much like the Beastie Boys before them, 311 is constantly evolving their sound and lyrics and gives their audience the chance to mature along side the band. Have you noticed that the bands that grow and change their style seem to be the bands that stick around the longest? For reference see, Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Eminem, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Pearl Jam, Metallica... Pick up their first album and compare it to their most recent to see the stark differences.
***
I was thinking about the people in my immediate social web on my drive home tonight. I’ve realized that while I’ve always had a more than adequate supply of people I would consider friends, that most of my buddies were apart of a close ‘circle of friends.’ A circle meaning like 4 to 6 (very rarely more) people that are all mutually close to one another. The circle goes out together, does drugs together (alcohol is the default), and helps each other through times of crisis. The circle is safe and extremely comfortable. Persons not in the circle are judged critically by members of the circle. Persons wishing to join the circle are *scrutinized* by its members. Often times this is less subtle than one may believe. Allow me to elaborate--
MemberA: So do you smoke pot?
ProspectiveMember: No.
Group: Oh. That’s cool. *cut off*
**
MemberA: So what do you drive?
ProspectiveMember: ‘68 Olds Cutlass
Group: Sweet dude! MemberB drives a ‘72 ‘Cuda. *tentative acceptance- more tests coming*
**
I know a bunch of people that * only* talk to people within, or in some way associated with, a member of the circle. They are FRIGHTENED at the prospect of meeting strangers. This is unfortunate because the members have no other concept of reality except of that determined proper by the group will. Although the group will is often just the most “Alpha” member of the group proliferating out his own belief system as Empirical Fact. There’s always a leader of circle. Even in the dorkiest, lamest, nerdiest of circles, there is a member that has more perceived value than the rest.
Very rarely do I ever ‘merge’ into the circle. In fact, I never even had a ‘best friend’. I just knew a lot of interesting people and rarely preferred someone's presence over another. All of my friends have their own particular cliques & I talk/do different things with different people. I have drinking buddies, your car buddies, your golf buddies, stoner buddies, video game buddies, smart buddies, computer buddies, rich buddies, do-me-a-favor buddies, work buddies... with surprisingly little overlap.
Appreciate your friends and accept them for who they are. It took me a while to truly grasp this concept, but once you do you will appreciate the time you spend with well-intentioned people. Accepting people for who they are does not mean putting up with their bullshit. It means trying to help them improve and grow as a person while at the same time realizing that change (for the better) is difficult and long-term process. The more I get to know someone, the more I like them. I have never met someone I really got to know that I didn’t like. Even if they do shit I completely disagree with, I understand where they are coming from because I know about their thought process. You may not be able to trust a dog, but you can trust that the dog will always be a dog. Accept this fact of nature and embrace it.
There are individuals (read: Egos) that are so wrapped up in themselves they respond to criticism with a tightly cocked slingshot filled of insult and defensiveness. As soon as their values are threatened they *SNAP*. When these narcissistic souls come across a viewpoint which is diametrically opposed to their own, the formulation in their brain goes something like:
ERROR! This belief I have just been exposed to is directly opposed to the though I have on this subject in my own mind. There can only be two reasons for this:
1) They are wrong and I am correct. I will respond by insult and give this person the pleasure of hearing the RIGHT answer. Sidenote: (Have you ever met a person that always had to correct people? Guys here’s a tip, if someone says something that isn’t 100% factually relevant, don’t sit there and correct them. Its lame and shows a ton of insecurity. Even though you just know the right answer, LET IT GO. Please. Let it go.)
2) They are correct but my belief system is so FUCKED that by allowing me to accept this particular idea as Truth would literally turn my head upside down and SHATTER my reality to the core. I will respond by being defensive.
There is a nice word for people that behave similarly to the above example, Judgmental. Eliminate all judgmental people from YOUR life. Negative thoughts from your friends about how you want to live YOUR life are certainly not helping you. And if it 'aint helping you to improve and become the person that YOU want to be, it needs to be tossed aside or out the window like carbon ash out of a hash pipe. Keep only positive people around you for a couple months and watch the change in yourself. You in-turn, will become more positive, and that energy just feeds off on other people.
***
Hubris is the greatest of all sins because it makes one become detached from reality. It makes you believe that the world could actually could give a fuck about you.
Here’s an example of a very subtle but reality changing experience I had recently. I was standing in a long line at a local Panera. In front of me there was a group of four people, three girls and one dude. One of these females in front of me was looking especially good. She looked over at me and I smiled.
Me: Hi there.
Her: Hi.
Me: I think your glasses are super cute. (I have a weakness for hot chicks wearing nerd glasses).
Her: Thanks!
(Some fluff about where she went to high school)
Me: So you seem pretty cool. What’s your number? (This is exactly what I say to every single girl I want to see again. Consistency is key, no matter how weak your game is).
Her: I’m sorry I have a boyfriend.
But here’s the MIND BLOWING thing to me. NOBODY GAVE A FLYING FUCK. I blatantly hit on a girl in front of ten plus (10+) strangers and her three closest friends. This was a public conversation, as well. I’m positive everyone in line could hear us talking and eventually hear me getting blown out. The girl went back talking with her friends just as she was doing before, nobody standing in line said anything to me, and most importantly, the world did not stop rotating because I asked a girl out in public place. I was still alive. Drop your egos guys, it isn’t helping you. All your ego is doing is hiding your weaknesses under a false pretense which is exceedingly transparent to all around you. It is not good enough to know your strengths. You must know your weaknesses and be willing to improve on them in order to be the person of your dreams. Remember back to all of those other fools that were standing in line wishing they could get with that hot chick. You don’t wish because wishing is for girls. You go out and TAKE ACTION. Trust me, you aren’t being made fun of by other people - you are being envied. They wish they had a pair of steel nuts like you had. Do you think James Bond gave two shits about what some punk kid thought of him?
