Overanalyzing Everyday Social Interactions: An Over-Analysis Justin Hartfield
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results." - Willie Nelson
Here’s a social scenario which happens to all of us at least once a day, but the interaction is so simple and common we normally do not think anything of it.
Rando is defined as any random person (credit to the epic film Super Troopers).
Rando: “Hi! How are you doing?”
That’s it. How many times in your life have you been asked, “How are you?” What do you say to this nonsensical question? I mean honestly, this has to be the MOST meaningless question anyone can ever utter. Essentially, you are saying nothing. The question itself displays zero personality and zero substance. It is pure fluff, completely void of offensiveness. Your grandma and your punk rock neighbor both use this exact same phrase. It is unifying in its banality. But, have you ever thought of the answer to this question beforehand?
I have. In fact, I say the exact same thing every-time I get asked this question. And working in a large(r) office you will be asked this question more than three (3) times per day, everyday. Especially if you are a social beast like myself and you make your rounds in the morning.
I am thoroughly convinced that my response to this question helps me tremendously when it comes to instilling a sense of good feelings to the persons I interact with. These good feelings are associated with me, and in time, with each successful time I pass this simple social test, these good vibes continue to get magnified to point where people I only speak with for a few seconds a day bend over backward in order to help me.
What do I say to the phrase, “How are you?” What magical words do I use to hypnotize these people into feeling a sense of warmth when they interact with me?
Rando: “Hi! How are you doing?”
Hero: “Great! And yourself?”
That’s it. It's really that simple. You aren’t good. Fuck being “good.” I’m GREAT. I’m TREMENDOUS . That’s how I feel right now.
I just came down with a flu that will sideline me for two weeks. “How are you, Tang?” -- “Great! And yourself?”
My beloved parrot just died after 15 years of service and good times. “How are you, Tang?” -- “Great! And yourself?”
I just blew $300 on one hand of Casino War. “How are you, Tang?” -- “ Great! And yourself?”
If you are not consistent with your “greats!” you will not be successful. You always need to be “great!” There is no alternative. This question is a test of your inner resolve - make no mistake. Sometimes you will not be feeling all that good at the time the person is asking this question. This is when you have to dig deep and become that person that everyone wants to be around. You must be “great!” because there are no other alternatives. You are forced to be “great!”. For example:
Rando: “Hey, how are you?”
Hero: “Wellll, blah blah blah problems blah blah blah.”
WRONG ANSWER, YOU JUST FAILED THIS SOCIAL TEST. They didn’t ask you the question because they cared. They asked you the question because its the only logical question to ask a stranger you know nothing about. In your vanity you answered with all the things that aren’t going right in your life at the current instant. This stranger doesn’t give a fuck. Save it for your mom. Stop whining and be “great!” for the mere fact you are alive on this planet.
Rando: “Hey, how are you?”
Hero: “Ummm, okay. You?”
WRONG ANSWER. Nobody wants to be around “okay” people. They want to be around people that can make them feel good about themselves. The average person cannot do this and thus you are banished to the land of average in Rando’s mind. You see there is no alternative. Now over time, people will subconsciously understand this. In their heads they are thinking, “Wow, this dude is really positive, he never has anything adverse to say and he’s always 'great!' He is different, and in a good way.” When people enjoy being around your personality they have a natural and subconscious tendency to keep doing things that will please you.
Try to make every interaction you are involved in a positive one for both you and the other person you are communicating with. Create the good vibes, they will affect other person’s state and that will affect your own. At times, this attitude can seem like a burden. It is tough staying bullish 100% of the time, but you must find a way to dig deep through your negative thought loops and have the strength and courage to muster up a sincere “great!”. You will most likely have to fake it at first, before it truly becomes a part of your being. Think of it like an affirmation.
Newton said that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This applies not only to physics but to human social interaction. You just can’t see it concretely with your own eyes so few people realize what is actually occurring. If you are unceasingly negative, you are a downer to other peoples moods. Nobody (except low-self esteem people who you don’t want to be around anyway), want to be sucked into your negative world of depression. Be “great!” instead...because you have no other choice.
